


My Soul is Always With You

by yutlunglovebot



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Gay Character, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Verbal Abuse, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29787288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutlunglovebot/pseuds/yutlunglovebot
Summary: Eiji had a soulmate - someone who was made to fit him so perfectly, their soul's intricately woven to complete the other. And Eiji hated her, but they were destined for forerver.And then he met Ash Lynx.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 108





	1. Eiji

On Eiji’s 16th birthday, he woke up excited. He’d read and heard countless stories about soulmates, about how their name would appear on your skin, stark black and curling to match the script of the person who was to be yours forever. It excited him, that the universe had made someone to fit him so perfectly, that there was someone out there made for him and that their souls would be intricately woven to create an unbreakable bond. The idea was beautiful and having grown up surrounded by happy soulmates, all he wanted was to find his own.  
  
His heart was pumping loudly in his ears, making his head even throb with it. Part of him felt sick, the nerves and excitement getting to him, but Eiji was nothing but determined. ‘Please let me have one’ he thought, before pushing back his sleeve. He gasped when he found the obsidian letters standing out starkly against the caramel of his skin.  
  
 _‘Leiko Mori’_  
  
Eiji’s first thought was relief – he had a soulmate, and they were Japanese. Although it was written in English, the words elegantly linking together in a fluid motion, the dots of the ‘i’s a small circle instead, and the first name positioned before the last, it was undoubtedly Japanese. In the days leading up to his birthday, obsessive thoughts about his soulmate being from a country far away and out of reach plagued his mind, and recognising the name and surname as that of his own country put the thoughts at rest momentarily.  
  
His second thought, although he immediately scolded himself for even thinking such bad things about his soulmate, was that he was disappointed. Whilst the name was Japanese, it was also undeniably feminine. Eiji had met a Leiko before and, whilst her name meant arrogant, she was anything but. They’d met on a school trip back when Eiji was only 9 and although she was from a different school, she let Eiji borrow her pen to fill out the worksheet he needed to after he’d lost his own. She’d tucked a stray strand of black hair behind her ear shyly and hesitantly handed over a pink pen, her name written in Kanji marking it as her own. That was their only interaction and Eiji hoped, briefly, that if his soulmate were to be a woman that he would be happy enough with her.  
  
Still, the disappointment lingered despite his attempts at quashing it. Eiji wasn’t an idiot, he figured out pretty quickly that when his friends had started noticing girls - the softness of their thighs and the fullness of their chests - Eiji’s thoughts strayed to those of muscles and stubble. Perhaps it was a cruel joke the universe was playing on him, allowing him to look and fantasise about men but making his other half a woman.  
  
Still, he put on a smile and proudly showed his family the words permanently etched onto his skin. They’d been beyond happy for him, his parents reminiscing on how ecstatic they had been when they’d woken up with each other’s script on their skin, and Eiji did his best to swallow against the lump forming his throat and the sting of tears threatening to fall.  
  
Suddenly the idea of soulmates wasn’t as beautiful anymore.  
——  
  
At 18, Eiji finally met Leiko. It was during his first couple weeks of university and they’d stumbled into each other outside of the library. The coffee he was holding had spilled all over his jumper, but the burn he felt wasn’t on his chest, but at the point of contact with the woman he had just crashed into.  
  
They’d both frozen, brown eyes wide and staring at the other, and they both new what had happened. Leiko calmed down first, pushing her silky hair out of her face with a manicured hand.  
  
“Leiko Mori,” She had simply stated, her voice purposely velvety. The smile she offered edged more onto a smirk, a flash of pearly white teeth showing as she seemed to drink in the sight of Eiji. Eiji didn’t like the way her gaze lingered on him, predatory and assessing, and he wondered vaguely if anyone else’s first feelings towards their soulmate was this negative.  
  
“Eiji Okumura,” He’d replied pleasantly, bowing slightly in greeting. He noticed how she hadn’t even bothered to bow towards him and felt a sting of offence shoot through him. She was still smirking when Eiji lifted his head again, the gleam in her eye animalistic as she fixed her hair once more and Eiji briefly thought that the name Leiko suited her. It was a mean thing to say about his soulmate, and yet all he felt was amusement at the thought.  
  
They had sex that same night, Leiko inviting herself in to Eiji’s tiny student apartment and kissing him before he’d even shut the door properly. Her lips were sticky with lip-gloss, and she smelled too strongly of floral perfume, and Eiji hated every moment of it. As she sat and worked herself on top of him, he let himself imagine how different his thoughts would be if the name on his skin was masculine.  
——  
Three months after meeting Leiko, Eiji had a bad fall. His coach had noticed that ever since Eiji found his soulmate, his vaulting had become sloppy. He ran too quickly, or he didn’t lift himself just right, but Eiji paid no mind. When he was in the air, soaring above everyone who was stuck static on the ground, he felt infinite, his mind blank for once. He didn’t care if he wasn’t at his best at that point, he just needed the freedom pole vaulting bought him after he was permanently stuck with Leiko.  
  
And yet his dismissive thoughts caught up to him, and he landed harshly on his ankle, shattering it to pieces and his escape along with it.  
  
He barely spoke when he was wheeled off to hospital, keeping up the silent treatment even after the surgery. The doctors were rueful when they broke the news, but Eiji already knew there was no hope for him. He was an experienced pole vaulter aiming for a career in the sport, and he knew when an injury was fatal.  
  
Leiko was there, and she’d held his hand in a vice like grip when the doctors rattled off the details, her pointy nails digging into Eiji’s skin. She was drawing blood, he knew that much, but Eiji felt nothing. He didn’t think he’d feel anything again.  
  
“You’re an idiot.” Leiko had said once it was only them two in the room, words hissed and spat like a serpent. “The one thing you’re good at and you fuck it up for yourself.”  
  
Eiji only gave a hum, not fully taking in what she was saying, only noting that the words sounded harsh and nasty. But with Leiko, he was used to it.  
  
“You know your scholarship is gone right? you can’t go back to Uni?” She’d continued in the same harsh tone, speaking words that Eiji already knew. “You’ll have to stay with me then, you can’t live on campus anymore.”  
  
Eiji faltered, finally speaking. “I can just stay at home,” He said, voice hoarse from hours of misuse. He wanted to sound sweet, not wanting to impose on his girlfriend’s space, but instead he just sounded hopeful. If this injury meant he could be away from Leiko for even a little while, maybe it wasn’t so bad.  
  
“Don’t be stupid, you’re staying with me,” She waved him off. “Besides,” She began, sickly sweet and fluttering her eyelashes in an attempt at cute innocence. Eiji just thought it made her look fake, plastic, and ugly. “You’re my soulmate, we’re supposed to spend forever together.” She stroked his forearm as she spoke, the tips of her nails dragging against his skin and leaving white lines in their wake. Eiji watched as his skin regained its normal colour seconds later and felt the familiar feeling of suffocation wrap around his throat at the statement.  
  
“Forever,” He’d whispered, feeling the familiar lump in his throat grow at the thought. When he was a child, forever with his soulmate sounded like a dream, now it felt more like a nightmare - one he’d give anything to wake up from.  
  
——  
Hope came in the form of Shunichi Ibe offering him a job as his assistant in America and was crushed in the form of Leiko Mori inviting herself along with them.  
  
When Leiko was adamant on something there was no arguing against her, so she joined them on their trip, and they sat beside each other on the plane in silence for 14 hours.  
  
Still, Eiji allowed himself to grow excited at the thoughts of visiting US - the land of the free as they liked to call it. A small, childish part of him hoped that this was true, that the moment he stepped on American soil he’d finally be free of the constraints Leiko had on him. A humourless chuckle escaped his lips at the thought, bubbling up without his consent, and Leiko shot him a sharp, confused look from beside him. Eiji purposely pretended he didn’t see her.  
  
They went immediately from the airport to the police station, and Eiji took in the high ceilings and drank the shitty coffee and felt the excitement of being in a foreign country bubble up inside him. He felt like a little kid, taking in everything with rapt excitement, but faltered instantly when Leiko’s bony elbow jabbed him in the side. His curious smile dropped, and he felt a mask of impassiveness fall over him, one he wore often around Leiko.  
  
Words were exchanged and meeting places arranged, and before Eiji knew it he, Ibe and Leiko were descending a creaky set of stairs into a dingy looking pub. Eiji knew before he left Japan that they were interviewing a notorious gang leader, and the amount of muscles and tattoos that surrounded him only helped to bring him to the reality of what he was doing. Despite himself, a thrill of excitement shot through him and, although it was terribly cruel of him, it grew at the sight of Leiko’s clearly nervous face.  
  
The boy (probably about 8 or 9 years old, and it made Eiji feel ill at the way he interacted easily with these hardened criminals and knew the alleys of the rougher side of New York City like the back of his hand) who had guided them there brought them to stand in front of a young, blonde man and although he knew better, Eiji had a hard time believing that this was Ash Lynx, a ruthless boss.  
  
He was beautiful, almost unbelievably so. Eiji wasn’t used to seeing blonde people due to where he grew up, but even he knew the blonde Ash sported was a rare shade, and it looked silky smooth. The eyes that focused on Eiji’s group were the colour of jade and looked uninterested, but Eiji could see the way he seemed to subtly assess them - looking for what, he wasn’t sure. His skin was pale, so very pale that he contrasted heavily against the dark back drop of the pub. He looked more like a model or an actor, Eiji thought, the only thing that seemed to make him fit in with the environment was the gun tucked safely in the front of his jeans.  
  
Ibe introduced himself quickly and politely, stopping himself from bowing on impulse and instead offering a hand for the boss to shake. Ash complied, a teasing smile on his lips as the men around them chuckled amongst themselves. Eiji saw Ibe snatch back his hand self-consciously once Ash released it, before he turned to Eiji, silently asking him to introduce himself too.  
  
For a moment, English seemed to fail him as those jade eyes locked on his own, but he simply cleared his throat and spoke, concentrating to make sure his accent wasn’t too pronounced. “I am Eiji Okumura,” He said, cringing internally as the ‘r’s’ rolled with his accent, and fell into a bow without even thinking. He stiffened, but no one seemed to notice or care at him falling into his usual Japanese custom. When he raised his head, however, Ash’s eyes were still on him, albeit slightly wider. Eiji flushed under his gaze, before he felt Leiko’s elbow digging into him again, right where the bruise from the first time she’d jabbed him was forming. Eiji saw Ash’s eyes flicker and narrow at the point of contact briefly before Eiji continued his customary duties of ‘the man in the relationship’.  
  
“This is Leiko, my girlfriend,” Eiji continued, gesturing towards Leiko, but he kept his eyes on Ash. He saw the blondes face fall minutely, the slight furrow of his brow, before it fell back to impassiveness.  
  
“Not just girlfriend,” Leiko spoke, stepping forward and elegantly presenting Ash with her hand. Ash simply stared at it and blinked once, twice, before shaking her hand as well. When they broke apart, Leiko let her fingers trail along Ash’s palm, but he displayed no reaction. “Soulmate.” She was playing up her accent, Eiji noticed, but the purr of her words held the same intent they had when they had first met. She was flirting, that was obvious, and Eiji should’ve felt jealous, mad even, but it only made him feel embarrassed on her behalf.  
  
“Soulmate, huh,” Ash said as if he were thinking aloud, crossing his arms over his body. A couple of guys behind him hooted and wolf whistled, but with one pointed stare from the blonde they shut up pretty quickly. Eiji admired the way they seemed to submit instantly to him, men easily double his size and arms bigger than his torso falling silent and apologetic after a simple glance. Maybe it was because of the gun so visible in front of the white of his t-shirt, Eiji thought, and he found himself speaking before his brain even caught up.  
  
“Is that a real gun?” Eiji asked, gesturing towards it. The handle was wrapped in fabric, for a better grip Eiji assumed, but was faded from use. Behind him, he heard Leiko mutter a “Fucking idiot” under her breath in their native tongue, but he paid her no mind. He’d gotten used to blocking out the insults she threw at him in their year together.  
  
“Meaning?” Ash asked, lifting a brow. Eiji felt himself grow hot with embarrassment, of course a gang leader had a real gun. Beside him, Leiko let out a soft snort and he didn’t need to turn around to know she was rolling her eyes at him.  
  
He reached up to scratch his burning cheeks, averting his eyes from the intense green of Ash’s. They were always so intense. “Real guns are not allowed in Japan,” He gave as an explanation to his question, but his mouth clearly hadn’t learned from last time, and he was speaking yet again. “Can I hold it?”  
  
It seemed as if everyone in the rooms eyes were trained on Eiji now, and he tugged self-consciously at the bottom of his sweater. Distantly he heard Ibe protesting, but Ash was stepping towards him with a charming smirk and it was all Eiji could focus on.  
  
“Sure thing.” And then he was taking the gun from its position in his jeans and passing it towards Eiji. A collective gasp reverberated through the pub, but Eiji attention was merely on the heavy weight in his hands.  
  
“Wow, it is really heavy!” He exclaimed, lifting it up and down to show off the fact. He was smiling, excited, and the presence of Leiko leaning over his shoulder did nothing to damper it for once. “Thank you for trusting me with it.” He gave Ash his gun back after a short moment, not wanting to push his luck, but he still wanted to ask one last thing.  
  
“Can I ask you something?” He began, testing the waters. Ash replied with a simple ‘what’ and he took it as his permission to continue. “Have you actually killed someone?”  
  
Eiji knew it was insensitive, and Leiko tugging at the sleeve of his blazer just hammered home that fact, but he was intrigued. Ash looked like an angel, he couldn’t imagine him pointing that gun towards anyone, let alone shooting it, but of course he knew different.  
  
“Yeah.” The reply was simple, but it was enough. Eiji wasn’t shocked, he knew the answer before he even asked the question, but he needed confirmation.  
  
“You have, huh,” Eiji thought aloud. He thought being in the presence of a confirmed killer would cause more worry and distress, and yet he didn’t feel any negative feelings towards Ash. It was bizarre how Leiko made him have such negative thoughts towards the woman when all she did was insult him and call him a couple names, whilst Eiji couldn’t even think of anything bad to say about Ash. Part of him was concerned, but the majority of him just let the thought pass on by.  
  
Ash observed him for a moment longer before he was smirking again. He seemed to smirk a lot. “Such a baby.” And then he was turning away, giving his consent for Ibe to start interviewing him.  
  
Skipper, the little boy from before, offered to buy Eiji a drink and after the initial shock of the alcohol hitting his tongue, Eiji began to appreciate the warmth it brought him.  
  
He gazed over at Ash, who was leant over a pool table playing a match against one of the guys he was lounging with at the bar. Leiko was stood beside him, hands splayed on the wooden edge of the table as she leant slightly forward too. Eiji knew what she was doing, the top few buttons of her blouse were open for a reason, but a sick sense of satisfaction pulsed through him as Ash didn’t seem to even spare her a glance.  
  
Ibe was taking pictures of Ash, making sure to not capture his face as the man had requested, and vaguely Eiji thought he should be helping him out when the doors to the pub crashed open to reveal even more men, armed and shooting.  
  
It was a blur from then on, Skipper took Eiji by the hand as he dragged him to hide behind the bar, and Eiji had a brief thought of checking for Ibe and Leiko before a man was pulling out a knife right beside him and he and Skipper were running once more.  
  
He was shoved into a car with much more force than necessary and watched a man take a bullet through the head, but despite the situation, Eiji felt more alive than he had since his accident.  
  
Jumping again after almost 9 months without practice was a terrifying experience. Coupled with the fact that Eiji was being chased, the adrenaline Eiji felt was almost painful. His heart was thumping so loud it was all he could hear and as he began to run, he focused on clearing his mind the best he could.  
  
And then he was flying, and nothing else seemed to matter. It was barely a couple of seconds, and yet it felt like hours before he hit the floor. He was infinite once more, flying high above with the wind caressing his face and hair, as if it were welcoming him back to the skies.  
  
And then he was falling and crashing and scarping a large gash into his forearm that began gushing blood almost instantly, but adrenaline was still rampant in his blood stream and he set off to find help.  
  
——  
When he finally woke up after collapsing in the streets - either from the sudden blood loss or burn out from all the energy he’d used - he was in the hospital. Much like his first pole vaulting accident, Leiko was in the room as well, accept this time she was sat in the seat beside his bed, her hands wrapped tightly around her suitcase handle.  
  
“We’re going home,” She said the second he got his bearings, and he noticed the way her jaw was set the way it usually was when she was adamant at something. Eiji flexed his fingers and then squeezed them into a fist, feeling the way the skin of his wound stung underneath the bandages before he spoke.  
  
Maybe it was the grogginess from sleep or the medication slowly dripping into him, but he simply said “No,” dragging his gaze to meet that of his soulmate. Leiko’s eyes widened before they settled into the usual harsh slits she always seemed to wear around him, and Eiji fucking despised her.  
  
“Yes we are.” Her words were whispered, but the intensity of the command was carried with them none the less. “You were just kidnapped and beaten, and god knows what else and I was bashed in the face by some man waving a fucking baseball bat around.” Her words raised in volume as she continued the sentence until she was practically screaming, her face ugly and contorted with anger. At her words, Eiji noticed the slight bruise forming on her forehead, but he felt no sympathy for her given that he’d almost been killed.  
  
“You can go home then,” Eiji replied, keeping his voice even. He saw her fists clench on her suitcase handle until her knuckles were a stark white. “I’m staying here, Leiko, I still have two weeks of my job left.”  
  
It was true, Eiji and Ibe had planned for Eiji to tag along and help Ibe with his project for two weeks and he planned to see it through. Especially now he’d met Ash and how he’d finally been able to feel _something_ , not just those fleeting, artificial feelings, since his accident and meeting Leiko.  
  
Leiko’s jaw set again, and Eiji could practically hear the squeak of teeth grinding together. “Fine,” she spat. “You stay here, but I’m leaving.” She stood up with flourish to emphasis her point, and the click-clack of her heels and the sound of her suitcase wheels against the hospital floor was music to Eiji’s ears as he watched her walk away.  
  
She paused just before she exited the door, her back was straight, and she didn’t even spare Eiji a glance when she spoke. “Fuck you, Okumura.” The words were harsh and cold, intended to hurt, but Eiji simply smiled as he watched her leave him room.  
  
For the first time in a year, the suffocating and constraining feeling of having Leiko as his soulmate seemed to lift.  
  
——  
Being in America felt so much different without Leiko. Despite him only being in the country a mere day with her, it already felt so very different. Before it felt like Japan, just with a different scenery. The way he felt, the way she made him feel was exactly the same, the new air and smells didn’t change how trapped he felt around her. But now, Eiji was able to see that the country was completely different. The people looked different, acted different and even the sky was different. In Izumo, the sky was always clear, even if it was heavy with clouds. The rural environment meant there was a wonderful lack of pollution in the air, meaning on clear nights he could gaze up at the stars and mark out the constellations. In New York City, the sky was heavy with pollution, and skyscrapers blocked any chance of him connecting constellations, but despite the air being so thick, he could finally breathe.  
  
Even after the initial shock of Ash being thrown into prison for apparent murder, Eiji still felt light. He felt like he could be anything he wanted, so he settled for finally being able to be himself.  
  
Visiting Ash in jail was definitely a bizarre experience, but the excitement of seeing the blonde again overruled all other emotions.  
  
Ash was smirky and teasing when they met, his arm naturally resting over Eiji’s shoulder as if it were meant to be there. Something was off, Ash’s whole personality was so much louder than any other time he’d met him it almost seemed fake, but they exchanged words easily enough.  
  
The visiting time was short anyway, but felt so much shorter than expected, and before he knew it Eiji was bidding Ash farewell. But Ash was looking at him intensely, as he always seemed to, and leaning in. He was so close, so very, very close, and Eiji barely registered the fingers buried in his coarse hair and the thumb stroking his cheek before Ash’s lips were on his.  
  
Where Leiko’s were always slick with lip gloss, Ash’s were dry and almost chapped. He didn’t have any stubble, but his skin was so much harsher than Leiko’s and it felt so much better. Eiji had only ever kissed Leiko before, and whilst kissing her felt like a chore, kissing Ash felt as easy as breathing. Granted, Eiji was too stunned to reciprocate it, but it was still the best kiss he’d ever received.  
  
Ash’s tongue slipped his way into Eiji’s mouth pushing something small and plastic along with it and, with a small twinge of disappointment, Eiji realised that this kiss was simply a means of passing on information. Ash pulled away, and despite the thrum of dismay in his chest, Eiji met Ash’s determined eyes with his own, plastic capsule still resting on his tongue.  
  
“See ya, sweetie!” Ash exclaimed, falling back to the overly loud personality he’d adopted from before. And with a scoop of Eiji’s ass, he waved and sauntered off with a “Bye!”  
  
Eiji knew he was blushing, and he mumbled a quick “bathroom,” into the back of his hand to stop the capsule from falling out of his mouth and rushing off before anyone could ask him any further questions.  
  
The capsule held instructions about getting in contact with a ‘Shorter Wong’, but somehow Eiji ended up tied to the chair of a doctor’s office, glaring up at Arthur’s familiar face.  
  
Through some miracle, Shorter Wong finally arrived and from that point onwards hours and days seemed to blur into minutes, until he was in the back of a truck on the way to Cape Cod, his ass thoroughly bruised from sitting on the harsh wooden floor.  
  
The ride was bumpy to say the least, and it seemed as if Max were purposely driving into any and all potholes he could find. Eiji found himself wincing every five minutes or so, adjusting his position in order to cushion the inevitable fall from being flung slightly in the air by another dip in the road.  
  
“Eiji Okumura, huh,” Shorter spoke from the middle of the truck. He was lying down, arms crossed behind his head, and he was observing Eiji behind the darkness of his shades. Eiji couldn’t see his eyes, but he only hoped they were assessing him with kindness.  
  
“That is me,” Eiji replied softly, conscious of Ibe dozing and sat upright in the corner of the truck.  
  
There was a moment of silence, only broken by the rattle of the vehicle before Shorter spoke again. “You’re not how I expected you to be.” He was tapping his foot in the air as he spoke, the perfect picture of calm and content, but before Eiji could ask what he meant by his statement, he was turning to gaze up at the fabric roof of the truck, signalling that he was finished with the conversation.  
  
Eiji furrowed his brows in confusion, before he too observed how the fabric flapped in the wind above them, the noise it was making almost deafening. And yet, despite the noise, the pain, and the bumps of the road, Eiji quickly fell into a dreamless sleep, one far better than any night he had lying next to Leiko.  
——  
Cape Cod, it turns out, was beautiful.  
  
A quaint seaside town where Eiji had seen more seagulls than people, and it was perpetually windy. Eiji saw the open space as a photo opportunity around every corner, his camera a constant around his neck, and the others seemed to agree with him. Shorter had whistled once they’d crawled out of the truck, hands on his hips as he took in the sights around him. Ibe had a similar idea to Eiji, already snapping pictures by the time Eiji set foot on the crumbling mud floor. Max was leaning over Ibe’s shoulder, alternating between teasing him and complimenting the photos he was taking.  
  
Ash, however, seemed to have a drastically different reaction. The second he had hopped out of the van, his eyes had trained on anything but the scenery around him. His jaw was set and grinding, and his eyes were sharp. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Ash didn’t have many positive feelings towards Cape Cod, but when his gaze raised momentarily to meet Eiji’s and Eiji sent him a small smile, he still smiled back.  
  
Initially, Ash had planned to be out of Cape Cod by nightfall, but Max had regretfully told him that the truck was busted, and they needed to stay a little longer in order to get it up and running again. Ash, Eiji had noticed, wasn’t one to display emotions so openly, the only thing that seemed to change was a quick twitch of his lips if he was amused of a furrow of his brow if he was upset. However, Ash’s face seemed to fall completely at the news, his features showing that of disappointment and, to Eiji’s surprise, fear, and he stormed off inside the house and slammed the door shut loudly behind him.  
  
It didn’t take long for him to recover, however, and Eiji looked up from his position from underneath the shade of a tree to see Ash smiling slightly down at him.  
  
“Whatcha doing?” He asked, dropping down beside him. He laid back on his hands, converse clad feet crossing over themselves as he watched Eiji awaiting his answer.  
  
“Just taking some photos,” Eiji replied, tilting his camera to emphasis the point. From where he was sat on the edge of a grass hill, he could capture the soft waves crashing against the shore below him and the sun slowly setting over the horizon. “I have not really taken pictures of the sea before; it is hard to get the timing right, so the waves do not look so shitty.”  
  
Ash’s eyes widened minutely after Eiji finished speaking before he let out a chuckle. Eiji liked the sound, it was deep and gravelly, and it sent a chill up his spine. “Who taught you that word”  
  
Eiji huffed out his own laugh at that, rolling his eyes and turning his body so he was sat facing Ash now, leaning against the trunk of the tree. “I started learning English when I was young teenager, swear words were the first thing I taught myself.”  
  
“Who would’ve thought,” Ash started, eyes sparkling with mirth and his smirk was friendly, teasing. “Sweet little Eiji teaching himself swear words.”  
  
‘Sweet little Eiji’. He’d heard those words from Leiko’s mouth numerous times, the tone condescending and spat out through a wicked grin. When she’d say them, she never meant it in the soft way that the words intended, it was to tear him down, make him feel like nothing. But when Ash said them, despite the fact he, too, didn’t mean them sweetly, Eiji didn’t feel belittled. Perhaps because he’d said them in English compared to Leiko’s harsh Japanese, or perhaps it was because it was Ash saying them.  
  
“Maybe I am not as sweet as you think,” Eiji replied, looking up at Ash through his lashes as he grinned cheekily. Ash seemed to study him for a moment, before he hummed and turned his gaze towards a seagull flying up above them.  
  
They sat in silence together until the sun had set completely and they were shivering under the dark blanket of night, but Eiji felt completely content simply with the fact that he could still feel Ash’s presence beside him.  
  
It seemed as if Banana Fish and Dino and gang wars seemed to disappear completely from their minds in the week they stayed in Cape Cod. They were just like a group on holiday, investigating the small town and spending hours simply resting by the salty water.  
  
Eiji already knew he liked Ash; in the small time they’d known each other he’d grown to like him so much he considered him a friend far quicker than anyone else he’d ever met. But Eiji barely knew Shorter, and yet they fell into familiar banter and teasing almost instantly.  
  
The three of them would wander the streets, bare feet slapping against the rocky pavements as they’d bump into each other purposely, or Eiji would hang back and watch the way Shorter and Ash would bicker over the smallest things, before Shorter would wrap a muscular arm around Ash’s neck and they’d both be laughing as if nothing happened.  
  
They often found themselves by the side of a small pond. The grass, that had pretty much turned brittle and brown under the heat of the summer sun everywhere else, was always lush and green around that pond, enough of a cushion for Eiji to comfortably lay back. There were weeping willows surrounding it, their leaves skimming the pool of water below and creating constant ripples. It was beautiful, much like the rest of Cape Cod.  
  
This time, however, it was only Ash and Eiji making their way towards the little Alcove. Shorter had opted to stay back and drink with Ibe and Max in the air-conditioned living room, but they had braved the sweltering heat together.  
  
Almost instantantly, Ash had dived into the pond, fully clothed and whooping loudly. Once his head broke the water he was shivering, the abrupt change between boiling hot from the sun to the cold of the pond shocking his body, but he was grinning up and Eiji. Eiji was laughing, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so carefree.  
  
“Join me!” Ash yelled, paddling towards the pond edge, flipping his wet hair away after it started to tickle his eyes. Eiji rolled his eyes, grinning none the less, and slipped off his shoes before running to join Ash. Part of him thought he was stupid for not taking off his shirt at least, but the rest of him wanted to be stupid. To feel young and carefree and everything he’d missed so much from his youth.  
  
Ash immediately pushed a sheet of water Eiji’s way once he got close enough, and Eiji shrieked in response, pathetically flapping his own hands to splash Ash with the harsh droplets. Ash was laughing, loud and deep and rumbling, and Eiji felt his heart leap at the sound. His laugh really was beautiful, even more so when it was unrestrained, and for Eiji to be the reason for that wonderful sound seemed like a privilege he never thought he’d get.  
  
“You scream like a girl,” Ash exclaimed through his laughs and the sound of splashing water.  
  
“Fuck you!” Eiji yelled back, causing Ash to laugh even harder. He’d been swearing more and more the longer he hung out with Ash and Shorter, but he liked it. It made him fit in, made him feel like one of them and not just a foreign boy they’d somehow been stuck with.  
  
Eventually, Ash stopped splashing, and Eiji took that as his queue to give up too, and he was breathing heavily through his grin as he looked at Ash. He was so close to him now, his pearly whites shining in the sunlight, in fact everything about him was shining. Ash, Eiji concluded, was simply made of gold, spun so intricately to make someone so ethereal, and it made his breath hitch.  
  
As he came closer, his grin was fading until it settled into a coy smile, and his eyes were softer than Eiji had ever seen before. Eiji had gotten used to Ash’s eyes being so very intense, but this was different, they were gazing at him with kindness. Eiji loved it.  
  
They were practically nose to nose when Ash finally stopped, and Eiji could feel himself going cross eyed from maintaining eye contact, and then Ash was raising an arm. Memories of Eiji saying goodbye to Ash in prison surfaced, memories of him lifting his arm and curling his fingers into Eiji’s hair before pulling him into a kiss, and Eiji’s eyes widened at the implications. But, before he could get too caught up in it, another arm was raising, and both were falling on Eiji’s shoulders with a force that sent him down and down into the depths of the pond water.  
  
He could hear Ash’s laughter distorted by the water, and when he breached the surface Eiji noticed how the man was practically cackling, grabbing his stomach underneath the water, and howling with amusement. Despite himself, Eiji found his lips twitching but he purposefully quashed the laughter bubbling up, choosing to glare pointedly at Ash as the blonde wiped tears away from the corner of his eyes.  
  
Despite Ash Lynx being a notorious gang leader and known for his intuition and gut feeling, it seemed that when the man was laughing all of that was thrown out the window, and Eiji easily managed to dunk him under the water mid-cackle, and he was already swimming off to the side of the pond before Ash breached the surface again.  
  
They both collapsed on the pond side, breathing heavily from the exertion of swimming coupled with laughing hysterically for so long. Both of them hadn’t laughed that much in a long time, and Eiji could see from the shine in Ash’s eyes that he loved it as much as Eiji did.  
  
“Why the hell did you choose to jump in the water with clothes on?” Eiji asked as he peeled his t-shirt off, before throwing the damp and heavy item at Ash’s face. Of course, he caught it before it could hit him, smirking at Eiji’s put out expression. Eiji laid down, feeling the plush grass blanket underneath him, and he looked up at Ash again, to find the boy already looking back at him with a soft expression on his face. “You might want to take your shirt off before it dries,” Eiji suggested.  
  
Ash merely shrugged, tugging the long sleeves down to cover his hands. Ash always seemed to wear long sleeves, dutifully tugging at them every now and again so they covered his arms completely.  
  
“You know,” Ash began a few moments later, looking up at the tree above them and keeping his eyes on a bird pecking at the bark. “I hate this place.”  
  
Eiji hummed in acknowledgment, he’d gathered as much from Ash’s reaction of being here. “Is there a reason?” He pressed.  
  
Ash’s eyes didn’t leave the bird above him as he spoke. “Too many bad memories.”  
  
Eiji didn’t know what he meant exactly, but by the way Ash had interacted with his father when they’d first arrived here he could only guess it had something to do with him.  
  
Putting on a smile in hopes of reassuring Ash, Eiji spoke, “Well, we will just have to make new memories here together. Nice ones so that when you think of Cape Cod you are happy.”  
  
Finally, Ash broke his gaze from the bird, bringing it down to look at Eiji again. Eiji kept up his smile, and felt it soften when Ash returned it, even if his looked rather melancholy.  
  
“You gay or something Eiji? That sounded quite romantic.” He was teasing, that much was certain, and Eiji’s smile went from soft to sad.  
  
‘yes’ he wanted to say, ‘I am, and the universe must hate me for it, so it made my soulmate a woman’.  
  
“How can I be?” He settled on, looking up at the clear blue sky above him. He raised his arm, the one that was tainted with Leiko’s name so that it was in Ash’s view. From his peripheral vision, he saw Ash’s eyes widen slightly. “My soulmate is a woman.”  
  
That was the only time they discussed soulmates the entire trip, and the rest of the time spent together was pure bliss. Eiji, Ash and Shorter grew impossibly closer, and Max and Ibe joked that if they needed to find one, they’d find the other two along with them. It made Eiji feel giddy, he’d never had a close-knit group of friends before, but the giddiness wasn’t just from that.  
  
Ash alone made him feel giddy. The way he looked at him, the way he spoke and laughed and smirked and smelled. Everything about Ash made Eiji giddy, and whilst Eiji was no genius, he knew he had a crush.  
  
(Part of him felt bad for crushing on someone else when he had a soulmate. When he knew his soulmate and they were already in a long-term relationship. But Eiji despised the woman, he knew that less than a week after meeting her, and Eiji wasn’t always as selfless as he seemed. For once, he buried the guilt of betraying his other half deep, deep down.)  
  
However, all good things come to an end and whilst one day started like any other, it ended with a woman littered in bullet holes and them speeding off towards LA far sooner than anticipated.  
  
The disappointment of leaving Cape Cod was almost crushing and knowing that the little haven they’d created there was gone hurt even more. But Ash and Shorter were there beside him, and the thoughts of Banana Fish and Dino and gang wars didn’t seem half as terrifying as they should have been.  
  
——  
Eiji’s phone was ringing.  
  
He was blinking sleep out of his eyes and groaning against the pain in his joints. He was in the back of a smelly truck on his way to LA, and his phone was ringing.  
  
“Turn it off,” Shorter whined from a few feet away, rolling over and shoving the jumper he’d used for a pillow over his ears. Ash was leant against the wall opposite, an arm resting on a bent knee, and he chuckled at his friends antics.  
  
Eiji laughed as well, going to decline the call before he caught sight of the name on the screen. The Kanji made his stomach drop, but he still pressed the button to accept the call, knowing she would only keep ringing until he submitted.  
  
“What?” Eiji asked immediately, falling easily back into his mother tongue but forgoing the usual polite, custom greeting. From the corner of his eye he saw both Ash and Shorter perk up at the sound of the foreign language.  
  
“Where are you?” Leiko asked. She sounded angry and if there was anything Eiji had learned in their time together was the different ways her voice changed with her mood. She wasn’t one to shout often, if she was angry her voice lowered into a threatening whisper, and it wasn’t any different this time. “You were meant to be in Japan a week ago.”  
  
“Something came up.” That much was true, a lot of things had happened since Leiko left, days and minutes passing in a blur. He’d honestly forgotten that he had to go back home and despite the threat of violence hanging constantly over his head the longer he stayed in New York, the idea of going back to his life with Leiko made him feel sick.  
  
“Well sort it out as quick as you can.” Eiji chuckled, if only she knew.  
  
“It’s not that simple, Leiko.” His voice was harsh and cold, mirroring Leiko’s own. Somehow talking this way to Leiko over the phone was so much easier than in person, he had more confidence to finally talk back to her. A thrill of excitement shot up his spine and he bit back a satisfied grin.  
  
“How long will you be gone then?” Her voice showed impatience now, and he could almost imagine her tapping her foot against the floor like in cartoons, irritation clear on her features.  
  
“I’m not sure. A while.” He was being purposely allusive, basking in the feeling of excitement coupled with nerves that shot through him at being so bratty towards Leiko. He’d only been away from her for three weeks, and he felt like a different person already.  
  
“A while?” She parroted, a huff of disbelief escaping her lips. “What am I supposed to tell your mother then? That her son left his soulmate in order to stay in America for ‘a while’ and won’t tell her anything about it? you know she won’t be happy.”  
  
Eiji felt his fists clench involuntarily beside him, his jaw squeezed, and his eyes narrowed. Leiko was good at this, bringing Eiji’s mother up in conversation at just the right time to make him submit to her. He wasn’t going to fall for it this time.  
  
“Don’t bring my mother into this,” He spat. Blonde and purple shuffled beside him.  
  
Leiko let out a laugh. It was objectively beautiful, the kind of laugh that sounded like a melody that had heads turning to find the source. To Eiji, it was ugly - A laugh weaved with cruelty and disgust. It made him shiver. “I hit a nerve didn’t I, Ei-Chan.”  
  
The nickname was the last straw and he had to stop himself from banging his white-knuckled fist against the bottom of the truck. “I won’t be home for a while.” He kept his voice even, concentrating on not letting his anger waver his voice. “And don’t try and phone me again. I won’t pick up.” He added as a final thought.  
  
Leiko started crying, crocodile tears that Eiji had become ever so used to. She used them when he declined sex or spoke back to her, playing on his feelings of wanting to make sure everyone was happy - even if he hated her so much. The guilt of making someone cry always ate at him until he submitted to her will once more. This time, he didn’t fall for it. “Wait, Eiji” Her voice hitched, and she whimpered pathetically. “Please come home, I miss y-“  
  
He hung up the phone and threw it across the truck, sending it flying until it bounced off Shorter where he was still lying down.  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments, Eiji silently seething as he thought over the phone call before Ash broke it.  
  
“Leiko?” He asked, motioning towards the phone laying besides Shorter. The screen was slightly cracked from the impact of the fall, but Eiji knew it would work just fine.  
  
“Yes,” Eiji replied quietly. “She was asking why I am not back in Japan yet.”  
  
Ash and Shorter both hummed, nodding their heads in acknowledgement. “You were supposed to catch a flight back last week weren’t you?” It was a question, but Eiji knew Ash already knew the answer.  
  
“Yes. Now I am not sure when I will go back.” ‘Never, I hope’ he wanted to add, but it sounded pathetic even to his own ears. An empty wish that he could stay in New York with Ash and Shorter forever, even if his Visa had already run out.  
  
Ash hummed again with a nod, but his eyes were downcast. “I’m sure there will be another opportunity soon.” Eiji wanted to be hurt by the fact Ash didn’t suggest him staying, he knew Ash wasn’t the type. Coupled with the slight hesitancy and the complete lack of confidence in his words, Eiji knew Ash didn’t want him to go either. It made him smile.  
  
“You can be real scary when you want to be, Eiji,” Shorter said, changing the subject. He rolled over so he was lying on his front, head in his hands as he looked up at Eiji sat cross legged not too far from him. “You sounded like a different person on the phone then, it sent a shiver up my spine.”  
  
Eiji smirked, but he knew it was true. Leiko was the only person who could make him act that way, draw out that icy cold tone of voice he saved for the one person he truly despised the most. He hated the fact that she made him into someone completely different, but part of him was comforted over the fact she never managed to see the real him. His soul was already sewn to hers, created to fit perfectly together like a puzzle piece, so at least he was able to still have the real him for himself.  
  
“What can I say,” Eiji began with a grin. “She brings out the worst in me.” Eiji and Shorter were laughing, but Ash kept stoic and serious. His eyes narrowed as Eiji’s laugh turned almost hysteric, the adrenaline from talking back to Leiko so harshly seeping away with every exhale.  
  
They arrived in LA soon after and the skyline was just as beautiful as the one in New York. Eiji itched to take a proper picture on his camera, but he’d left his equipment with Ibe at the front of the truck and so he simply settled on capturing the view with his phone camera.  
  
He was introduced to new people - Jessica and Michael who turned out to be Max’s family, a bright and bubbly son, and an overly cautious and quick-witted ex-wife. Eiji loved them both instantly.  
  
Then there was Yau-Si, the adoptive son of the man they had come all the way to LA to find. He was quiet and polite, the perfect host despite the unusual circumstances, but Eiji couldn’t help but notice how sad the boy always looked. 16 years old and he looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Eiji pitied him.  
  
Just like the skyline, LA’s sunset was just as gorgeous as New York’s. The yellows and oranges and reds weaved it’s way around the tall skyscrapers, creating unique shadows across the pavement and making the green leaves glow golden.  
  
“You should go back to Japan,” Ash spoke from beside him, leaning on the railing of the balcony much like Eiji. Eiji didn’t realise Ash was there until he spoke, but he didn’t jump, he just dragged his gaze to land on the blond beside him. He was looking down at the shadows below, eyes trained on them in a way that looked like he was physically stopping himself from looking up at Eiji.  
  
Eiji didn’t respond, and Ash took that as his queue to continue. “Ibe found some tickets from LA to Tokyo that leave in a few days. He’s booked them already.”  
  
Eiji could hear in Ash’s tone that he was upset about the idea of Eiji leaving too, probably just as much as him. But Eiji knew he couldn’t leave. Not now, not when he’d had a taste of the freedom America was known for and how he’d become addicted to the way his heart leaped and his stomach swooped around Ash   
  
“I cannot go back to Japan,” Eiji whispered, feeling a lump steadily growing in his throat.  
  
Ash huffed beside him in annoyance, he probably thought Eiji would comply willingly. “Eiji you will get hurt if you stay here. Not if, will. I will do anything to make sure that doesn’t happen.” The last sentence was spoken quieter than the rest, whispered so only he and Eiji could hear it. It was like they were sharing a secret, discussing vaguely about how much the other meant to them and through his sadness, Eiji felt himself blush.  
  
“I cannot go back to Japan,” Eiji simply reiterated his fists clenching where the lay on top on the metal railing. Ash’s gaze flickered towards him for a moment before returning to looking at the floor below, a stray piece of hair falling into his eyes. “I cannot go back to her.” His voice cracked on the final syllable, and he turned his face to hide the tears that had started to roll down his face.  
  
There was a noise from beside him and Ash was now facing him, leaning sideways against the railing. Hesitantly, he lifted an arm and went to put it around Eiji in comfort, but it fell after a second thought.  
  
“You could die, Eiji.” His voice was soft despite the severity of his words, but Eiji didn’t feel comforted in the way Ash intended. It felt as if Ash was treating him like a child, spelling everything out slowly so that he understood. His tears of despair and fear turned to anger.  
  
“I do not care!” He shouted, rounding on Ash. The blondes eyes were wide, the green sparkling an almost gold in the setting sun. He was shocked, shocked enough for it to show on his face, and Eiji was crying steadily now. He sniffled a couple times before he continued. “I do not care if I die! I would rather live here in America with you and the threat of death hanging over my head than spend a second longer with her.” His voice was thick with the weight of his words and the emotions he was letting out. Eiji wasn’t sure if Ash could properly make out what he was saying, the words slurring together as his accent became stronger, but he didn’t care. He knew Ash would understand either way. “I will stay here in America and I do not care if the life I have here is short. I will spend it with you, and I will be happy, that is enough.”  
  
Eiji was storming off back into the house before Ash could speak, pushing past Yau-Si with a muttered apology and headed to his allocated room. Ibe was calling after him, but he simply moved past the man, collapsing on his made bed, and letting his sobs finally escape. They were bone rattling and painful, ripping through his throat and definitely loud enough for the rest of the people in the house to hear. Part of him was embarrassed but he needed this, he could feel the fear of going back to live with Leiko leave him with every rattled breath and salty tear.  
  
——  
Shorter was dead and Eiji had never been in so much pain before.  
  
The pain he felt after his accident was minuscule compared to this. Whilst that time it was his ankle that throbbed, this time his chest ached. Like someone had stuck their hand inside and ripped out his heart, leaving a gaping void in its place. It was hard to breathe sometimes, the memories of Shorter coming at him with a knife and a feral, animalistic look, and then the phantom feel of his limp body collapsing on top of him were always too much.  
  
Shorter was shirtless when he was brandishing the knife and lunging at Eiji, and Eiji caught sight of the stark black words adorning his left arm. He’d seen the mark in passing before, Shorter had spent the majority of their trip in Cape Cod half naked, but he always turned away before he could decipher what the curling script was saying out of respect. This time, it was all his eyes could see.  
  
 _‘Lana Adams’_ it said in elegant cursive, taking up a large part of his forearm.  
  
Eiji wondered if Shorter had ever met Lana, if she was as beautiful as her writing and if they were in love - the way soulmates were supposed to be.  
  
He felt his heart clench at the idea of Lana looking down at her own forearm and seeing Shorter’s chicken scratch writing fade from view.  
  
(Yau-Si, as it turns out, was in fact Yut-Lung, the hidden youngest member of the Lee clan. Despite everything, Eiji still pitied him, for he still looked as sad as before.)  
  
But he coped. _They_ coped. Eiji held nothing but admiration for Ash, a boy who went through so much and still managed to brave the day and smile and laugh with Eiji despite everything. He was so strong it was mesmerising.  
  
However, Ash wasn’t _as_ strong as Eiji had originally perceived.  
  
“I’ve hated Pumpkins ever since. It gives me the chills just thinking about them.” Ash spat the words as if they were the most disgusting thing on earth after he gave Eiji a rundown on the reason for his bizarre phobia. Eiji could feel himself staring, his grip on his chopsticks going lax. He didn’t know what to say at all, but Ash was scowling as he twirled his aluminium can, and Eiji realised he wasn’t joking. “What?”  
  
And then he was laughing. His lips wobbled as he tried to hold it in, but it was soon bursting out. Vaguely he thought about how he hadn’t laughed like this since Cape Cod, but instead of dwelling on his thoughts he simply clutched his stomach and laughed harder as Ash verbalised him offence.  
  
There were tears in eyes from laughing so much, and he saw Ash’s cheeks colour a deep red from beside him. It was pretty, the way it clashed with the blonde of his hair but complimented the green of his eyes. Eiji hadn’t seen him blush before - ruthless gang leader and all - but he decided on the spot he was going to try his hardest to taint those cheeks rosy any time he could.  
  
When Halloween finally rolled around, the green leaves of central park turning different shades of burnt orange, red and brown, Eiji had not forgotten about Ash’s admission of his fear of Pumpkins. In fact, he’d resolutely ensured he didn’t forget. In the months they’d known each other, Eiji had found out that he was the only person who could tease Ash and get away with it, and he made good use of that fact.  
  
He’d invited Bones and Kong to the million-dollar apartment him and Ash were currently residing at in guise of a Halloween party, and the duo had complied excitedly. Eiji already had all the decorations ready (He’d gone down to the supermarket in the morning and bought as many halloween themed items as he possibly could, as well as an offensively large amount of pumpkins) and he ushered Bones and Kong into the apartment and to the kitchen in order to prepare and carve the Pumpkins.  
  
There were beers in the fridge, and by the time the room was lit up by only the rustically carved faces of the Pumpkins and Ash was entering the apartment in his glasses and sweater disguise, Eiji felt wonderfully lightheaded and flushed.  
  
Ash reacted exactly how he wanted him to, backing into a corner in fear as Eiji brought the pumpkins closer and closer, and he only felt slightly bad when he saw tears prick in the corner of Ash’s eyes. By the end of the night, however, when Kong and Bones had long since passed out cuddled up together, Ash had relaxed completely as if his greatest fear wasn’t surrounding him from all corners.  
  
‘Looks like exposure therapy does work then,’ Eiji thought to himself as he smirked over the lid of his beer can.  
  
“So how’s your girlfriend?” The alcohol must have made Ash’s lips looser because Eiji knew he wouldn’t ask that sober. The fuzziness in Eiji’s head disappeared instantly, and it felt as if a cold bucket of water had been dumped on his head, but he tried not to let it show.  
  
“I do not know,” He replied, his words a whisper. He fiddled with the tab on his can and kept his eyes downcast. “I have not spoken to her since before LA.”  
  
Ash hummed as he took another sip from his can, his eyes never leaving Eiji. “I’m sorry for asking.”  
  
“It is okay, Ash,” Eiji replied, voice still soft. He’d managed to avoid thinking about Leiko for so long and coupled with the weight of Shorter’s death, it was too much. Part of him was angry at Ash for bringing it up, and that’s why he asked the next question. “Do you have a soulmate, Ash?”  
  
Eiji looked up to see Ash tense and he immediately felt guilty. The anger from before dissipated as quickly as it came, and he opened his mouth to apologise but Ash was already speaking. Much like when he admitted his fear of pumpkins, his eyes were trained on his hand swirling the left-over beer in his can.  
  
“Yeah, I do.” Eiji didn’t know why he was so shocked. It wasn’t uncommon for people to pass their 16th birthday without words appearing on their skin, and Ash just seemed like the sort of person to fall into that category. He felt his breath hitch as jealousy tightened its grip around his throat unexpectedly.  
  
“Can I see?” He knew he was crossing far too many lines now, but he couldn’t stop himself. Maybe it could quash the little crush he’d formed if he saw someone else’s name on the pale expanse of Ash’s arm, proof that his soul was intertwined with another.  
  
An unrecognisable expression flashed across Ash’s face before he carefully placed down his beer can. He hesitated a moment, his pale fringe obscuring his features, before he leant back against the sofa and rolled up his sleeve.  
  
Eiji couldn’t breathe again, his chest was tight, and the burning sensation of tears were behind his eyes.  
  
The script was instantly recognisable, despite being in English. The ‘E’ was written distinctively, like a backwards 3 linking seamlessly into the ‘i’ beside it, and Eiji reached his hands out to grab Ash’s arm for a closer look on instinct.  
  
 _‘Eiji Okumura’_. It was right there, unbelievably black against the porcelain of Ash’s skin. And it was all Eiji could see.  
  
“You would’ve found out at some point anyway.” Ash was speaking, explaining his actions away in embarrassment, but Eiji could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears and before he knew what was happening a sob was ripping out of his throat.  
  
He dropped Ash’s arm as he went to cover his mouth in an attempt to smother his sounds, but Kong and Bones stayed snoring a sofa away from them and showed no signs of acknowledging the loud sound. Tears were flowing freely down his coffee skin, and his breath hitched every time he tried to silence his sobbing.  
  
“Eiji,” Ash whispered softly, reaching out an arm to comfort him before the letters he saw on it made him stop. He withdrew, self-consciously pulling down his long sleeves once more.  
  
“I hate my soulmate,” Eiji finally spoke, words broken and painful. Ash’s eyes softened in pity. “I hate her so much. I have hated her since I met her when she made me have sex with her when I did not want to and then we were dating and I-“ His words were cut off by another bone wracking sob, and he wrapped his arms around himself for some semblance of comfort. “My parents love her. They are so happy that their son has such a beautiful soulmate, but they do not know her like I do. She is so horrible, Ash.” Eiji finally looked up, his eyes blurry with tears, but he could make out Ash’s face of complete distraught and hopelessness. “She makes me feel worthless, like without her I am nothing. And before I had pole vaulting and I could escape for just a little while and then I lost that, and I thought I would never escape. And then I met you.” Finally, Eiji smiled. A sad, tearful smile, but a smile none the less. A tear escaped Ash’s eye. “And you made me feel things that she never did. I was told by my parents that when you meet your soulmate there is supposed to be an instant connection, but I did not feel that with Leiko. With you though.” He whipped at his eyes, tears finally slowing down. “With you I felt as if I was always supposed to be with you, like we were made for each other. And I do not know why I have Leiko’s name on my skin when all I want is for it to be yours.”  
  
Eiji let out a shuddering breath when he was finished and wondered briefly if Ash actually understood everything he had just said - his accent was always stronger when in the throes of emotion. Before he could clarify though, warm hands were cupping his cheeks and thumbs were swiping under his eyes to catch any stray tears.  
  
Teary brown met shining green and Eiji was leaning forward, connecting their lips. Eiji thought the kiss in prison was the best he’d ever have, and yet the simpleness of pressing his lips so softly against Ash’s was far better.  
  
He was pulling back mere seconds later and he felt himself melt when he saw Ash’s eyes flutter open, his plush mouth open slightly in awe. Green eyes were shining still, not from tears but from pure happiness, and Eiji caught sight of a grin like no other before Ash was lunging and tackling Eiji into the sofa, lips connecting once again around a laugh.  
  
——  
3 months later, Eiji arose with the sunrise and sent the sleeping blonde beside him an affectionate glance before slipping from the bed sheets and heading over to his wardrobe to get changed.  
  
It was routine at this point. On Saturday mornings Eiji would wake early, change appropriately, and spend his mornings on the balcony with a cup of green tea. Ash would rise within the next hour or two, a grumpy mess of bead head blonde before snuggling into Eiji and practically falling asleep once more.  
  
It was still winter, the snow from December still clinging to the New York streets, so Eiji opted for his usual sweater (One of Ash’s really, but neither seemed to care).  
  
It was as he was leaning to grab the sweater, shirtless after already ripping off his sleep shirt, when he noticed it.  
  
He’d avoided looking at this soul mark for as long as he could, opting for long sleeves perpetually around the house and changing as quickly as possible, but from the corner of his eye he noticed it looked different.  
  
He hesitated before he brought his arm towards him, letting out a long exhale before he looked at his soul mark properly for the first time in three months. His heart skipped a beat, and a smile immediately erupted on his face.  
  
Banana Fish was no more, Dino was dead, the Gang wars had seized, and Aslan Callenreese was written on his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! I might write another chapter from Ash's POV so let me know if that's something you might want!


	2. Ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash's POV   
> TW's for this chapter: Referenced rape and pedophilia, anxiety and vomiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Quite a few people said they wanted an Ash's POV of the last chapter so I thought i'd deliver! I'm sorry it took quite a while, I'm a uni student so procrastinating is basically part of my degree.  
> But I hope you all enjoy!

Ash dreaded his 16th birthday.

When he was back in Cape Cod, young, full of life and living happily with his older brother, he’d been told about soulmates. Griffin spoke about his soulmate as if they’d hung the stars, and Ash always felt giddy at the excitement that exuded off of his brother in waves. His eyes sparkled as he’d rattle on and on about what he thought they would look like, Ash looking up at him with wide, jade eyes as Griffin played with his hair.

Ash never knew if Griffin ever met his soulmate, whether he found just the smallest spark of hope in the carnage that was war, but Ash knew first-hand that life was never that kind.

Back then the idea of soulmates was beautiful, he wanted to feel the same happiness his brother felt when discussing the person he was to spend the rest of his life with. That all-consuming, electrifying happiness that made you practically vibrate.

Now, he could only wish that he’d wake up on the morning of the 12th of August with his arm as blank as it was the day before. Blank so that there wasn’t another person that could stake their claim over him, abuse him, do what they wanted with him. He knew people, and he knew that was all anyone wanted when they looked at him.

He woke up on a plush, mahogany four poster bed. The sheets smelt like old spice and tobacco, and Ash felt himself shiver in disgust when the silk of the bed linen brushed against his naked, bruised skin. Beside him, Golzine was snoring loudly, and Ash’s lip curled involuntarily. Disgusting.

It was then he recalled the date, the day he dreaded the most out of the year. Golzine always showered him with lavish and overly priced gifts, using the materials as a way of forcing Ash back into his bed that night. This birthday however, the cold sweats he felt were for a completely different reason.

He sat up slowly, wincing at the pain in his lower back, and purposely kept his forearms facing down. His vision was swimming as he stared at the pale expanse of his arms, taking in the red marks around his wrist and the light dusting of blonde hair. It must’ve only been mere minutes that Ash sat like that, but to him it felt like hours. He could feel the tell-tale signs of an impending panic attack, his heart rate was quickening along with his breath, and he could feel his stomach churning and bile rising at the back of his throat.

With a shaky exhale, he slowly began turning his arms. They were trembling in ways that only happened after a particularly rough night with Golzine, but Ash didn’t bother to try and subdue them. Sparse hair thinned out as his inner arm slowly came into view and-

He barely made it to the toilet before he emptied the contents of his stomach. The vomit burned in the usual acidic way, and he was still retching into the bowl long after anything still came up.

A large hand rested on his shoulder, and it took everything in him to not shove it away from him in disgust. He knew Golzine hated it when he had an attitude and just because he was seemingly ill didn’t change that fact one bit.

“Oh, Darling,” Golzine cooed, rubbing his calloused hand up and down the expanse of Ash’s back. His skin prickled underneath the unwanted touch and he felt himself gag once again. “What’s wrong?”

Ash simply shook his head ‘no’ as another wave of nausea hit him, and his throat felt increasingly sore as more bile came up. He was gripping the basin with a both hands and a white-knuckle grip, and he tried to block out the dark letters tainting his skin.

There was a tut from above him and suddenly his arm was being hitched up by Golzine. He kept his head bowed in the toilet, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.

“Is this why?” Golzine’s voice was soft, the tone he used whenever he tried to convince Ash he truly did love him, but there was a strain behind it. Part of Ash felt like smirking, he finally had proof he didn’t belong to Golzine, and that fact clearly irked the older man.

Another tut and a sigh and Ash’s arm was dropped. It’d gone lax in Golzine’s grip, so it smacked against the ceramic of the toilet bowl, hard. Ash hid his wince; he wasn’t going to give Golzine the satisfaction of his pain today.

“Pity,” The man began, his voice further away as he was standing in the doorway now. “I was hoping it’d be someone I know so I could tell them about how wonderful you are, darling.” Ash tensed at the words, cursing silently as he felt that familiar burn behind his eyes. “I’m sure they will still make great use of you though.” And then Golzine was gone, shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

Ash bit his lip to stop the sob from escaping but to no avail. As the tears flowed, he spared one last glance at his forearm, cursing the dark, looping letters.

_’Eiji Okumura’_ it said, and Ash decided on the spot that he despised him.

——

Ash made sure to keep his arm covered at all times. Mainly for himself, so he didn’t have to look down at his skin and feel the water works begin in his mouth, but also to keep it out of sight from prying eyes. Gang bosses didn’t have soulmates, love wasn’t something that happened in the midst of guns and drugs and Ash Lynx wasn’t about to let his infamy be tainted by some words on his skin.

(Shorter was the only person that knew about Ash’s soulmate. They’d had one too many drinks and they’d both poured their hearts out about it. Ash wasn’t entirely sure what he said, but they vowed to never speak of that moment again).

Skipper had told him about the Japanese men that were supposed to interview him for an article, but Ash had completely forgotten about it until they were standing in his bar, nervous hands clutching the straps of their bags. There was a woman too, a beautiful one, and Ash wasn’t shocked to see the predatory eyes of the men surrounding them on her.

He raked his eyes over the trio, taking in their anxious demeanour with amusement. The oldest of the group was doing his best at hiding his fear, purposely standing up straighter and setting his jaw. The boy beside him was glancing around nervously as he fiddled with the bottom of his sweater but seemed to relax minutely as their gaze met for a brief moment. He was cute in the literal sense, looking a bit like a twitchy bunny rabbit - he most definitely didn’t fit in Ash’s world. The woman kept her gaze straight ahead and Ash felt a small pang of sympathy at the fact she was dutifully ignoring all the hungry gazes on her. Together they definitely did not pose any sort of threat, and Ash relaxed slightly at that - there was no impending gun fight any time soon with them.

The oldest one cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes in faux confidence before he was extending an arm. “I’m Shunichi Ibe, but you can call me Ibe if it’s easier,” he said, and Ash heard a slight twang of an accent. He smirked in amusement at the proffered hand, his boys joining in by laughing behind him as well. It wasn’t often someone offered to shake hands with a notorious gang boss, but Ash took it none the less - even he could be polite.

He saw the way Ibe retracted his hand in haste, clearly embarrassed, and his gaze shifted to the boy beside him. The boy seemed to stutter for a moment, opening and closing his mouth before he spoke words that made Ash freeze. “I am Eiji Okumura.” His words were heavily accented, but Ash would’ve known them anywhere. His own attempts at spitting the name sounded nothing like what it should’ve sounded like in Eiji’s native tongue, and that almost made it seem completely different.

Ash had a pre-conceived idea of what his soulmate would look like - an older man, balding and greying and overweight, much like most of the men he was forced to entertain. Eiji, however, debunked all those assumptions. Eiji was young, he looked even younger than Ash himself, with a head of thick, black hair and a slender frame. He was beautiful, now Ash was looking at him properly, eyes a pool of chocolate and skin the colour of caramel - the sweetest thing he’d ever laid his eyes on. Ash now knew how to pronounce his soulmates name correctly, and suddenly the thoughts from the past year were completely eradicated.

His soulmate was young and beautiful and sweet. Hope ignited in his chest, and he felt his eyes widen against his own accord. That tingle of excitement he felt way back when his brother was talking about soulmates seemed to seep back into his skin and it took an extreme amount of self-control to stop the grin from breaking out onto his face.

The woman was jabbing Eiji in the side and Ash’s eyes narrowed at the point of contact. Eiji rubbed his side with a small wince before he spoke again, that beautiful accent rolling into his words. “This is Leiko, my girlfriend.”

And oh, that hurt. Ash felt stupid for not figuring it out earlier, from their close proximity and the fact that they were both gorgeous. of course they were together

Suddenly, Leiko stepped forward, the uncomfortable look from before all but wiped out as she extended a dainty hand. “Not just girlfriend.” Ash seemed to be working on autopilot when he grabbed her hand and shook it, dread already curling in his gut. He felt the way her fingertips danced flirtatiously against his palm, but he barely acknowledged it. “Soulmate.”

And there it is, Ash thought, Leiko’s words only confirming what he was thinking. He wasn’t even shocked; the world was an evil place. It’d given Ash a beautiful soulmate, and yet he was already spoken for, his soul already intertwined so intimately with another. Ash was merely a bystander, the butt of a cruel, cosmic joke. Yet another thing to add to the ever-growing list of Awful Things That Have Happened to Ash Lynx.

Maybe my soulmate was a different Eiji Okumura? he thought in passing, but somehow he knew the boy standing in front of him was the one. The only one.

“Soulmate, huh,” He said as he crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt of subduing how exposed he felt. The boys behind him wolf-whistled and howled with laughter, the same way they did whenever the topic of soulmates was brought up, but with one pointed glare they quietened down instantly.

And then his soulmate - should he still be allowed to call him that considering the circumstances? - was asking if his gun were real and if he could hold it and the question was so genuinely sincere that Ash was powerless to it. He revelled in the gasps of the bar patrons, glad that he still held a level of unpredictability, and when he handed Eiji his weapon and his fingertips touched those surprisingly rough hands, he had to hide the pain the contact brought him.

Pain in both the physical and mental sense, physical because his fingertips still burnt when he turned away from Eiji and mental because the letters on his skin weren’t lying. The Eiji Okumura standing before him was his soulmate, and he could do nothing about it.

He kept looking at Eiji out of the corner of his eye as he challenged Alex to a game of pool, watched as he steadily drank with Skipper as Leiko flirted unabashedly with him. He ignored her on purpose, because he knew that if he acknowledged her he’d start spewing angry, hurtful words.

“How could you flirt with me when a boy like the sun is yours forever?” He would ask her in a scathing tone, and that was far too embarrassing to say out loud.

One minute he was observing the way Eiji’s hands slightly shook as he gripped his glass when he started to fall into the realm of tipsy, and then he was thrown headfirst into a bar fight.

He kicked, he punched, he smashed and then he was tailing a car he had shot at, hoping, and praying the bullet landed in its intended target and not Skipper or Eiji.

It was a trap, of course it was, but Ash was far smarter than both Marvin and Arthur combined, and him, Skipper and Eiji were running away in no time.

Accept maybe he wasn’t as smart as previously thought, because suddenly they were faced with a high brick wall and any hope that had welled up inside Ash was crushed instantly.

But then Eiji was spewing something about not wanting to die without trying, a broken and rusty pipe in his hand but all Ash could think about was how crazy he was. Ash’s soulmate was crazy, certifiably insane. He was-

Flying.

Eiji was flying, and Ash swore he saw wings erupt from his back. Snow white, akin to that of an angel’s and he was so beautiful it took Ash’s breath away. All he could see was Eiji, the way he seemed to pause mid-air with a face of pure contentment, and the ever-growing voices of their attackers didn’t seem nearly as threatening as they should’ve been.

He’d just seen a man fly, surely that meant he could do anything.

——

Ash thought of the plan whilst he was lying on the wooden plank that was his prison bed, a plan that came to him after yet another sleepless night cooped up with the journalist - Max. He did everything he could to get himself thrown into the hospital wing, and the tiny capsule clasped in his hand almost made the pain throbbing in his lower back worth it.

He was going to pass the message he wanted to Eiji in the little capsule through means of a kiss.

It was so ridiculously cheesy, something he’s sure he’d seen happen in numerous gang films that he and Shorter would watch, but Ash would make sure it’d work. It had to work, Eiji was the only person who could do this task for him.

He was reliable, he’d already proven that he’d risk his life for that of others, plus he was Asian. Yes, he was Japanese, but he was unlikely to be questioned wondering down the streets of China Town.

(Ash tried to ignore the excitement that niggled inside him at the thought of getting to kiss his soulmate, get to feel that all-consuming happiness that everyone spoke about when they kissed their other half for the first time. He buried it instead with the guilt of forcefully kissing a man already in a committed relationship.)

He played up his personality tenfold when he was with Ibe and Eiji and was pleasantly surprised at the fact Leiko was nowhere to be seen.

When he finally leaned in for the kiss just as the duo was about to leave, the capsule a heavy weight on his tongue, he saw the way Eiji’s eyes widened and shimmered under the harsh lights of the room they were in. Through half-lidded eyes, he saw himself reflected back in Eiji’s chocolate pools for a split second before their lips met, and Ash let himself indulge in it momentarily as his eye lids fluttered shut.

Ash hated kissing men. He hated the way their big, rough hands would tug at his chin so he’d succumb to their needs, hated the harsh stubble that would scrape and leave dry burns and hated the way their sandpaper tongues would shove their way into his throat. He also hated kissing women. He hated the strong scent of floral perfume that would wrap around him in a choke hold, hated the slick slide of their lip gloss and hated how they would clutch too tightly at the hair on the nape of his neck.

Overall, Ash hated kissing, but he didn’t hate kissing Eiji. It was quick, barely enough time for him to pass the capsule over with a quick flick of his tongue, but it was enough to know it was the best kiss he’d ever received. Eiji’s lips were soft, but not in the way women’s where, they were simply plush and inviting. His tongue was soft as well, not like the rough ones old men would attempt to choke him with. Everything about Eiji, it seemed, was soft, and Ash wanted so badly to kiss him longer to see if the rest of him would go soft like putty under his touch.

It was that kiss, the feeling of electricity that seemed to erupt from the point of contact and spread in warm tendrils through his body, that kept him going throughout prison. Even after he was beaten bloody yet again and he found out about Griffin’s death, the phantom feeling of Eiji’s slack lips underneath his was enough.

——

Ash knew that Cape Cod, objectively, was beautiful, but he couldn’t see it.

The second he stepped out of the van onto the dry mud pavement below, it seemed as if all his memories hit him in one go.

He cleared his throat in an attempt to eradicate the lump that had grown in it so suddenly, but when Max said they’d be staying in Cape Cod for a little longer than intended he could feel it threatening to transform into hot, salty, pathetic tears.

He knew yelling and throwing a tantrum wouldn’t solve any of this problems, but that was what he did. And as he climbed the stairs to his childhood bedroom, he frantically brushed at his skin to rid the feeling of phantom hands gripping and tugging at him.

He felt like a child as he sat leaning against the dusty window, silent tears falling down his face. He dutifully ignored taking in any of the furniture, he knew that if he saw the same bedspread he fell into as a child hours after being violated, he’d break, and he didn’t know whether he had the tools to put himself back together again.

Instead he kept his gaze on his soulmate who was squatting underneath the shade of a tree, snapping picture after picture of the seaside he was looking down on.

Cape Cod may not have been that beautiful to Ash anymore, but Eiji definitely was.

He wiped his tears and let out a few steadying breaths before he made his way back downstairs again, hands shoved in his pockets in fake nonchalance. He ignored Max, Ibe and Shorter’s lingering gazes as he made his way through the house and out the door, and despite the feeling of anxiety stirring in his gut (which had been there the second they entered Massachusetts), he felt himself smile slightly when he took in Eiji’s crouching figure.

“Watcha doing?” Ash asked Eiji once he’d noticed his presence, flopping down onto the floor, and stretching out casually.

“Just taking some photos,” Eiji responded, tilting his camera in Ash’s direction for emphasis. Ash was able to make out a landscape photo on the digital screen, the colours of the sunset reflecting against the crashing waves of the sea making it look like a pool of lava. It looked quite cool, and Ash felt a spark of pride shoot through him - his soulmate was talented. “I have not really taken pictures of the sea before; it is hard to get the timing right, so the waves do not look so shitty.”

Ash felt his eyes widen and a shocked chuckle escape his lips at Eiji’s words. Sweet little Eiji who looked as if he was made of candy and sugar, clad in adorably big sweaters swearing so freely. The word even managed to sound pretty coming from his lips, his accent making it flow and roll in a way that made Ash have to force down a blush.

“Who taught you that word?” He eventually asked.

Eiji laughed as well, a soft sound that made Ash’s heart flutter. His laugh was accompanied with an eye roll and Ash thought about how if anyone other than Eiji did that to him he’d have to beat some manners into them. Eiji turned so he was leant casually against the trunk of the tree, and it seemed as if Ash was unlocking another version of his soulmate. A more teasing, carefree one, not the shy and subdued boy he’d met at the bar a mere week or two ago. “I started learning English when I was young teenager, swear words were the first thing I taught myself.”

And Ash couldn’t dispute that, he knew that if he had the opportunity to learn another language he, too, would make sure he was fluent in the profanities. “Who would’ve thought, sweet little Eiji teaching himself swear words.” He smirked easily, loving the way he fell so quickly into teasing banter with the boy. Vaguely he recognised that the twists of anxiety in his stomach had subdued and settled into almost nothing.

He thought he saw Eiji’s face drop momentarily, but it was replaced with a cheeky grin the next second, Eiji looking up at Ash through thick eyelashes. Ash’s heart stuttered once again. “Maybe I am not as sweet as you think.”

’Impossible’ Ash thought to himself. No man who looked like Eiji, made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, could be anything but sweet. He studied him a moment longer before simply humming, and he turned his gaze towards a seagull flying high above him before he did something stupid. Like lunging forward and kissing him so he could taste the sweetness of his lips once more.

With Shorter and Eiji at his side, their short stint in Cape Cod wasn’t as dreadful as Ash expected. He still woke up every day with the feeling of a heavy weight on his chest, the anxiety of being in his hometown thrumming in his veins, but spending the day getting to act like a real teenager made it worth it.

It was the longest time he’d consistently spent with Shorter since juvie, and it was nice to pretend they were simply two best friends on holiday, not gang leaders wrapped up in government schemes and the mafia.

And it was nice to properly get to know Eiji, to spend and unlimited amount of time with him without Leiko in the way. He was introduced to the real Eiji that week, one that swore almost as much as both Ash and Shorter, laughed so openly and freely, and was a mischievous little shit when he wanted to be.

Not that Ash was any different. It was that mischievous streak that led to him jumping in the pond - fully clothed. He knew Eiji would follow, even without any proper persuasion, Eiji seemed to follow him anywhere.

And just like Ash predicted, Eiji toed off his shoes before joining him in the pond. He too was fully clothed, and Ash couldn’t stop himself from grinning - they really where just a couple of reckless teenagers like this.

Immediately, Ash pushed a sheet of water towards Eiji, drenching any dry part of his clothes completely. He cackled as Eiji shrieked in response - actually cackled. Ash didn’t think he’d heard such a sound - full of mischief and pure joy - ever fall from his lips.

“You scream like a girl!” He managed to exclaim once his laughter had calmed down enough to get the words out.

“Fuck you!” And Ash could only laugh louder at the response, he loved hearing Eiji swear so much. It contrasted so well with the soft, sweet aura he tended to present, it made Ash giddy at the thought of having the pleasure of seeing the real Eiji.

They were both still slapping water at each other, like children did in the outdoor pools on summer break. Ash had never experienced that, but he doubted any of them felt as happy then as he did in that moment. He doubted he’d ever feel this happy again, too.

But now, Ash had another plan. He gave up on the splashing to instead wade his way through the cerulean water, grin stretched across his face so wide it hurt. He saw Eiji falter too, and felt his grin drop to something soft as he drew nearer. Eiji was so beautiful, water droplets falling down the planes of his face and catching on his long, thick lashes. He was so beautiful, and it’d be so easy to simply close the gap between them and feel those soft lips underneath his once more.

As he raised his arm to follow through with his original plan, he had to stop himself from simply tugging Eiji closer with it. The boys eyes were wide, almost as wide as when they’d met in prison and Ash had kissed him, and when Ash saw himself reflected in those orbs this time, he saw a boy he’d never seen before. One whose hair was damp and dishevelled, cheeks rosy from the cold water, and the most content smile he’d ever seen on his face.

His heart hurt. Eiji was so, so good for him- Brought out the boy he’d been forced to keep hidden and buried, but Ash simply wasn’t made to do the same to Eiji.

He crushed any thoughts of getting to kiss Eiji again by simply raising his other arm and slamming them down on Eiji’s shoulders together, sending the confused boy hurtling under the water.

Ash laughed hysterically and tried to convince himself that the tears brimming in the corner of his eyes were from happiness.

Eiji was glaring at him with an adorable pout and a scrunched-up nose, and Ash was suddenly reminded of the comparison he’d made when he first met Eiji - he was an adorable, twitchy bunny rabbit.

To say Ash was shocked to find himself submerged in pond water mere seconds later was an understatement. He felt himself choke on water when he rose, flabbergasted that Eiji had managed to get past his quick reflexes and intuition, but he started laughing again when he saw Eiji pushing against the water and running to the pond side. Laughing seemed to come so easily when he was with Eiji.

“Why the hell did you choose to jump in the water with clothes on?” Eiji was asking him as he peeled off his sopping wet shirt. Ash barely had time to admire the caramel expanse of his skin before the offending item was being thrown his way, but this time his reflexes finally clicked into place and he caught it one handed. Eiji was pouting again and Ash merely smirked - Eiji wasn’t going to get past him twice in one day. Ash watched him with a soft expression as Eiji laid down against the soft grass, admiring the way the muscles in his stomach flexed as he stretched and tried to find a comfortable position to rest. “You might want to take your shirt off before it dries.”

Absolutely not, Ash thought to himself at Eiji’s words, but instead simply shrugged and subconsciously tugged at the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt. It was blisteringly hot in Cape Cod in the summer, but Ash would rather suffer through heat stroke than explain why he had Eiji’s name on his skin.

“You know,” Ash started, attempting to change the subject. “I hate this place.” He kept his gaze on a bird high up in the trees, unable to look Eiji in the eyes. He didn’t know why he was suddenly talking about this, about his past, but Eiji made him comfortable. He wanted Eiji to know everything about him, even the horrible, disgusting parts.

“Is there a reason?” Eiji asked, respectful as always. There was a slight tone of hesitation in his voice, and Ash felt himself melt slightly. Eiji was so wonderful.

“Too many bad memories.” Maybe one day, if Eiji was around long enough, Ash would tell him about said memories. Or maybe Eiji would find out before - he’d find those newspapers covering the story or he’d overhear Jim talk about how disgusting Ash was. The thought made his skin crawl.

Instead of questioning further, Eiji merely put on a reassuring smile. “Well, we will have to make new memories together. Nice ones so that when you think of Cape Cod you are happy.”

And Ash could’ve burst into tears right there and then. Eiji was incredible, so gorgeous and understanding and everything Ash could hope for in a person. It broke his heart to think that, despite everything, Eiji would never be his in the way he wanted. In the way he needed.

Instead, Ash simply broke his gaze from the bird above to look down at Eiji, and he could practically feel how loving his gaze directed towards Eiji was. “You gay or something Eiji? That sounded quite romantic.” Teasing was something Ash was good at, it’s how he managed to cope with the disgusting and flirtatious comments he received from Golzine and countless other men and women. It was his way of shutting down, ignoring the true feelings crawling up inside him. He knew that if he didn’t tease, he’d make a fool of himself in front of Eiji.

What Ash didn’t expect was for Eiji’s smile to fall into something sad, a distant look in his eye. “How can I be?” He asked as he shuffled and turned his gaze towards the obnoxiously blue sky above. His arm was raising, and for the first time Ash saw Eiji’s soul mark properly. He’d seen it in passing, choosing to simply look away and ignore it, but now it was right in front of his vision. _’Leiko Mori’_ it read, the letters curling seamlessly into one another. It made Ash feel sick. “My soulmate is a woman.”

——

“Eiji is definitely not what I imagined, man.” Shorter’s words snapped Ash out of his revere and reluctantly he dragged his eyes from watching Eiji on the other side of the truck. He was fast asleep, knees pulled up to his chest and his head lolled to one side. He was drooling slightly, and Ash couldn’t even imagine how exhausted he must’ve been to be able to fall asleep in such a position.

“What do you mean?” He eventually asked. Shorter was lying on the floor of the truck, his yellow jumper tucked under his head as some sort of pillow, but he was watching Ash.

“I dunno. I didn’t expect him to be so,” Shorter trailed off, waving his hand in the air to bring forth the right word. “Cute!”

Ash huffed out an amused chuckle at that, humming in response. He too was surprised at how wonderful his soulmate was - so much more wonderful than what he deserved.

“When you showed me your mark I thought it’d be some muscley gangster you’d meet at a fist fight or something,” Shorter continued. Ash winced at the thought, ‘muscley gangsters’ definitely weren’t his thing. “Although now I’ve met Eiji I can’t imagine you with anyone else. He seems like your type.” Shorter was grinning at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Despite himself, Ash could feel the heat crawling up his cheeks and he rubbed his hand under his nose as a distraction.

“Shut the fuck up.” Shorter let out a loud laugh at that, but after a pointed look he quietened down. Eiji merely huffed and drew his legs closer to himself, sleepy mumbles escaping his lips, but he didn’t arise. Ash felt his heart melt at the sight. “Besides, he already has a soulmate. I’ve met her, she’s pretty.” Ash feigned indifference, turning away from Shorter’s piercing look.

“He hasn’t mentioned her before, I’d have thought he’d wanna talk about his soulmate all the time,” Shorter said, and Ash shrugged. It was true, Eiji hadn’t brought up his soulmate since that brief moment in Cape Cod and even then he hadn’t mentioned her by name.

“I know once I meet my soulmate it’s all I’m ever gonna talk about,” Shorter continued and raised his arm, tracing delicate fingers along the words on his skin with a soft smile. _‘Lana Adams’_ it said, words written in perfect calligraphy. He’d seen Shorter subconsciously rub at the skin of his forearm before, a nervous tick he had, but it always made Ash feel warm. Griffin used to do something similar, he was always tapping on his forearm to a rhythm only he knew. Seeing Shorter’s love for his soulmate almost made it feel as if Griffin was still there. “I bet she’s gorgeous, hair to the middle of her back, sparkling eyes.” He let his arm drop dramatically to his chest and let out a giddy laugh. “She could probably kick ass too.”

Ash felt his chest tighten and had to cough against the lump in his throat. He wanted nothing more than for his best friend to find his soulmate, he just hoped that Shorter didn’t have to go through the same issue Ash was. But Shorter was a good guy, acted like a giant golden retriever puppy most of the time- the universe could never be that cruel to him.

Shorter eventually let out a yawn, cutting his smitten ramblings short. “Aight shut the fuck up now, I’m gonna sleep.” Ash didn’t even bother retorting - he wasn’t even saying anything for fucks sake! - Shorter was already rolling over and if Ash knew anything about his best friend it was that he could fall asleep in seconds. Confirming his thoughts, Shorter began snoring merely minutes later.

Ash sighed as he settled into a slightly comfier position before his gaze wandered back towards Eiji’s sleeping form. He didn’t know how long he was looking at Eiji for, but it was long enough to pick up on some quirks. Eiji’s face was very expressive as he slept - eyebrows pulling together before relaxing, pouting his lips before he mumbled incoherently, twitching his nose as a stray piece of hair fell in front of his face and tickled him. It was all so endearing that Ash could do nothing to stop the soft smile that adorned his features.

The shrill sound of a phone blaring ripped everyone out of the peaceful silence they’d created. Ash felt his back straighten in shock, he saw Eiji jump about 10 feet in the air before rubbing his eyes with a sleepy groan, and Shorter was complaining before shoving his makeshift pillow over his ears. Ash let out a chuckle at Shorter’s pathetic whine, and he heard Eiji mimic him before harsh Japanese cut through them.

Ash and Shorter immediately directed their gaze towards Eiji, who was scowling at the truck floor, eyebrows pulled together and jaw clenched. He looked so different from the Eiji he had been accustomed to the past couple weeks - this Eiji was all harsh lines and rough words. Ash didn’t like this Eiji that much.

He conversed back and forth with the person on the phone in cold Japanese. Ash had a momentary thought that maybe this was just how Eiji sounded when he spoke his mother tongue, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He’d overheard numerous conversations with Eiji and Ibe in the language, and Eiji always sounded so soft. Somehow even softer than when he spoke in English if that was even possible.

He managed to pick up on the word ‘Leiko’ about a minute or so into the conversation and he felt himself sit up straighter involuntarily. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Shorter’s questioning look.

A few more words were exchanged before Eiji’s demeanour seemed to shift once more. His scowl turned into a glare, large chocolate eyes narrowing into dangerous slits and a muscle twitched in his jaw. He saw Eiji’s hands clench from their place on the floor beside him, veins popping out with the force of it. This was an angry Eiji, and he was quite frankly terrifying.

The next words were spat with a venom Ash probably couldn’t even muster. It didn’t sound like Eiji, his voice was too low and gravelly, and Ash felt his stomach stir uncomfortably.

When Eiji finally hung up his phone, he threw it angrily across the truck. His anger must have used a lot of energy because the phone didn’t go very far, merely hitting Shorter from his position on the floor and cracking slightly from the impact.

“Leiko?” Ash asked after a moment of silence, gesturing towards the battered phone on the floor.

“Yes,” Eiji replied, and part of Ash felt relieved that his voice seemed to be back to its normal, soft self. The rest of him was still worried though - how did ones soulmate produce such a viscerally angry reaction from one of the sweetest people on earth. “She was asking why I am not back in Japan yet.”

And shit, Ash had completely forgotten that Eiji did actually need to go back home at some point. It was for the best; he didn’t deserve a life of crime and violence and he could go back to living with his real soulmate. Although, Ash thought briefly, that maybe Eiji didn’t want that given his reaction on the phone. “You were supposed to catch a flight back last week weren’t you?” Ash said instead, vaguely recalling a conversation he’d had with Ibe about plane tickets.

“Yes. Now I am not sure when I will go back.” Ash merely hummed in response.

“I’m sure there will be another opportunity soon,” Ash replied, eyes downcast. It was selfish of him, but he didn’t want Eiji to leave. Whilst he couldn’t have Eiji in the way his soul craved, surely he could just have him by his side? But Ash knew the universe, knew how it despised him, but he also knew that above anything else he wanted to keep Eiji safe. They would book tickets to Japan once they got to LA and Eiji would go home to safety. Ash would simply live in his memories and Eiji would simply forget him.

“You can be real scary when you want to be, Eiji,” Shorter spoke, and part of Ash had forgotten he was even there. “You sounded like a different person on the phone then, it sent a shiver up my spine.” Ash could only agree, he hoped he’d never have to hear Eiji like that again.

“What can I say?” Eiji replied with a grin. “She brings out the worst in me.” Eiji and Shorter started laughing at the presumed joke, but Ash merely narrowed his eyes. By the way Eiji’s laughter quickly turned to near on hysterics, Ash could only assume there was some truth behind that phrase.

They eventually arrived in LA and Ash noticed straight away that it just seemed like another New York. Maybe all of America was just like New York, tall buildings, the stench of trash, and rich people seeking out pleasures the way they always did. For as long as Ash was in America, everything would always be the same.

Ash spoke to Ibe about plane tickets as soon as he could, hands clenched by his sides and attempted to keep his voice even. Ibe showed obvious surprise but agreed to do as Ash wished, and a mere few days later he confirmed he was able to secure some tickets.

So, Ash took a deep breath to quell his rising emotions and joined Eiji on the balcony of the house they were staying in.

“You should go back to Japan,” Ash began easy enough. He leant over the balcony railing, looking down at the road below them and at the way the setting sun cast different shadows in an attempt to not look at Eiji. He knew if he did he wouldn’t be able to pull through with his plan. Eiji didn’t respond, so he simply continued. “Ibe found some tickets from LA to Tokyo that leave in a few days. He’s booked them already.”

“I cannot go back to Japan,” Eiji finally spoke, his voice so incredibly quiet. He could hear the tell-tale wobble of tears in his voice, and Ash’s heart constrained painfully. He couldn’t bare making Eiji cry, but this was essential - he had to get him out of all this mess.

“Eiji you will get hurt if you stay here. Not if, will.” He tried to emphasise how dangerous this all really was, hoping it’d make Eiji rethink his previous statement. “I will do anything to make sure that doesn’t happen.” The words slipped out softly without his consent, but it felt right. Eiji meant so much to him, and he had to know that. Even if Eiji didn’t feel the same, he deserved to know how much Ash cared about him.

Ash didn’t know whether the blush that adorned Eiji’s cheeks was a trick of the light or not, but he still looked wonderful either way.

“I cannot go back to Japan,” Eiji reiterated, and Ash felt an annoyed groan threaten to spill out before he noticed Eiji’s clenched fists on the metal railing in front of him. There was a reason Eiji was so adamant on staying here and Ash knew if he looked towards the boy right now he’d probably burst into frustrated tears. He merely dropped his gaze and looked back at the shadows below. “I cannot go back to her.” Eiji’s voice cracked along with Ash’s heart. Whilst Ash was a genius, anyone could’ve figured out who ‘her’ was. Dread seeped into his veins.

Finally he managed to lift his gaze towards Eiji, and he saw the man hunched in on himself, fists shaking in their place on the railing. For a moment he contemplated placing a comforting hand on him, but he knew from experience that when he was like this the last thing he wanted was physical touch. Instead he spoke once more, his words softer than before. “You could die, Eiji.” That was his final argument, if Eiji still wanted to stay in America it was up to him. If the threat of Leiko was bigger than the threat of death then Ash would make sure he could protect him from both.

“I don’t care!” Eiji finally shouted, rounding on Ash in a fit of anger. Ash’s eyes widened in shock; he hadn’t expected such an outburst from the boy. Tears had begun spilling down Eiji’s cheeks and he wanted nothing more than to draw him into his chest and whisper words of comfort until he calmed down, but he knew it wasn’t his place to do so. “I do not care if I die! I would rather live here in America with you and have the threat of death hanging over my head than spend a second longer with her.” Eiji’s accent was thick, thicker than when Ash first met him, but even if he couldn’t decipher every word spoken he understood the meaning. “I will stay here in America and I do not care if the life I have here is short. I will spend it with you, and I will be happy, that is enough.”

And Ash had no clue what to say that he was left gaping at Eiji’s outburst and followed the man’s retreating form with his eyes. His heart was racing, and his head was spinning, and he felt and anger like no other towards the woman who called herself Eiji’s soulmate. He wanted nothing more than to crush her pretty little face under the weight of his foot and scream at her until his throat was sore.

He didn’t realise he was shaking until a tentative hand rested on his arm and he whirled around to see Yau-Si looking up at him with concerned eyes. “Are you alright?” His voice was soft like Eiji’s, but it didn’t make Ash feel any better.

“I’m good, thanks,” Ash managed to rush out before he hurried inside again. Immediately he wished he’d stayed outside, loud, audible sobs were heard from Eiji’s room and Ibe, Max and Shorter were mumbling seriously between each other, shooting worried glances towards the source of the sound.

Ash stormed into the kitchen and downed a shot of whisky before silent tears began to fall.

\----

In Ash’s short life, he’d learned very quickly how to ignore things.

He was able to separate his mind from his body when the old men and women took advantage of it in order to ignore the pain that would course through him and he could blank out the faces of countless people he’d killed so the guilt wouldn’t crawl up and consume him too badly.

Shorter’s death, however, was something Ash simply couldn’t ignore, but not for lack of trying.

Slowly, he’d managed to make it through the day without obsessing over the way Shorter’s back straightened as the bullet shot through his chest or how he spent his last moments fighting against invisible demons and crying or how black _’Lana Adams’_ stood against his paling skin, but it was a different story once he allowed himself to succumb to sleep.

Ash wasn’t a stranger to nightmares. Back when he was younger he’d dreamt of big, colourful monsters and he’d cry in Griffin’s arms until he forgot about them. He learned quickly that the monsters were scarier the more human they looked.

The nightmares of Shorter were horrific - left him gasping for breath and a face damp with tears, but Eiji was always there for him. If his sobs were loud enough he usually woke to Eiji threading his fingers through his hair and murmuring in soft Japanese to him, but even if he didn’t manage to wake Eiji just knowing he was there and safe was enough to settle his racing heart. (Eiji always seemed to know if Ash’s sleep was plagued with Shorter though, he wouldn’t make natto the morning after).

Eiji was usually wonderful - key word being ‘usually’ because merely a few weeks after Ash told Eiji his deepest, darkest secret, he came home to an apartment filled with carved, glowing pumpkins.

Eiji was awful actually, dreadful, and he forced Ash to sit in a room full of his worst fear for hours on end. Naturally, he did the only thing he could to antagonise Eiji back.

“So how’s your girlfriend?” It was horrendously petty, and Ash felt guilty the second the words left his mouth, but the alcohol from the couple of beers he’d consumed had gotten to him.

“I do not know,” Eiji replied through a whisper and Ash bit back a whimper - God he was awful. “I have not spoken to her since before LA.”

“I’m sorry for asking,” Ash apologised after another sip of his beer, chasing down the almost crushing guilt he felt as he watched Eiji play with the tab of his can.

“It is okay, Ash.” Ash knew it wasn’t, not really, and Eiji’s next question confirmed that. “Do you have a soulmate, Ash?”

Ash knew how secretive Eiji was about soulmates, he was respectful and always kept his gaze above people’s forearms. It was a Japanese custom, he’d learned, you didn’t show your mark often and you never asked anyone about their own. Part of Ash felt proud of Eiji becoming so used to American customs, but the rest of Ash was put out by it. Obviously, the parts Eiji would pick up on never worked in his favour.

Ash watched his hand swirl the remaining beer in his can before he spoke. Ash was a good liar, an incredible one even, but he could never lie to Eiji. “Yeah, I do.” He saw Eiji’s eyes widen in front of him in shock and he felt sort of offended over the fact Eiji clearly hadn’t considered the fact Ash might have had a soul mark.

“Can I see it?” Eiji asked and Ash saw how he immediately regretted asking. He drew back into himself and looked down as if he’d been scolded.

And god was Ash in a predicament now. He could just say no and he knew Eiji wouldn’t ask again, but part of him wanted Eiji to know. Ash knew now that he loved this boy, he’d probably still love him even if his name wasn’t engrained on his skin, and he wanted Eiji to know that. Eiji would let him down gently, he was sure about that, but he’d know how much he meant to Ash at the very least.

Carefully he placed down his beer can, hesitating a brief moment in an attempt to slow his steadily quickening heart rate, but eventually he leant back against the sofa and rolled up his sleeve for the first time in forever, it seemed.

Ash could pinpoint the exact moment Eiji recognised what was written in his skin and he fought against the overwhelming need to tug down his sleeve and hide the words once more.

“You would’ve found out at some point anyway,” He said instead, explaining away his embarrassment as Eiji held his forearm in a white-knuckle grip. And it was probably true, Eiji would either catch the familiar script out of the corner of his eye or maybe Ash would’ve simply broken at some point and showed him without any prompting.

A sob ripped through Eiji’s throat and it startled Ash so badly that his arm fell heavily against his leg when Eiji let go of it. Eiji’s hand flew over his mouth to smother his sounds and large droplets of salty water cascaded down his cheeks. He was shaking with the force of his tears and suddenly Ash was thrown back to the moment in LA where he heard those desperate sounds from behind the door and he could do nothing about it.

“Eiji,” Ash whispered softly, an arm instinctively reaching out to comfort Eiji before freezing when he caught sight of the words on his forearm. He drew his arm back as if it had been burnt, pulling his sleeves back down and staring helplessly at the sobbing boy in front of him.

And then Eiji was speaking, words that made tears well up in Ash’s own eyes and sorrow overcome him. Eiji hated his soulmate, she made him seem like nothing, she forced him into sex and his parents seemed to love her. Each word felt like a punch in Ash’s gut as Eiji unloaded all he’d been feeling in one go and suddenly Ash understood why Eiji addressed Leiko with so much contempt. Maybe the universe wasn’t only mean to people who deserved it like himself, maybe the universe was just cruel enough to make even the kindest people suffer in such horrific ways. Ash swore that if he could, he’d beat the shit out of the universe. “And I do not know why I have Leiko’s name on my skin when all I want is for it to be yours.”

Ash couldn’t breathe, the oxygen he needed was caught in his throat and he swore he felt his forearm tingle. Before he even realised what he was doing, Ash was reaching out and cupping Eiji’s cheeks in a way he had only dreamed of before, rubbing his thumbs under Eiji’s eyes to catch the tears still falling.

Eiji’s eyes rose to meet Ash’s and suddenly he was breathing again, like a wash of clarity was thrown over him and he knew in that moment he wanted nothing more than to be with this boy forever. Surprising both of them, Eiji leant forward to connect their lips and Ash had to physically stop himself from sighing into the kiss. His heart was beating so fast and loud he was sure Eiji could hear it, but he couldn’t care less. He was finally kissing this boy again, and it felt so much better than the first time. Maybe all their kisses would get better every time.

They pulled apart a moment later and it took a moment for Ash to finally let his eyes flutter open. His jaw was slack in awe but merged into a grin in a split second, and he tackled Eiji into the sofa before connecting their lips again. and again. and again.

And yes, each kiss got better every time.

——

“Ash, wake up.” The voice was foggy and clouded in his sleep-hazed mind and Ash groaned before shoving a pillow over his ears to muffle the sounds. “Ash, get up!” The words were punctuated with a slap to the back of his head, and Ash finally lifted his head to blink sleepy eyes at his attacker.

“What time is it?” He asked, rubbing at his eye, and blinking a few times so that they would focus. His eyesight was usually awful anyway, made much worse by the sleep still clinging to his vision, but he could just about make out a half-naked Eiji leaning over him with a grin.

“Around 7,” he rushed out, and Ash shoved his face back into his pillow with a groan of ‘too early’. “No, Ash, Stop!” Eiji’s voice was agitated, and he tugged at Ash’s arm one, two, three times before he finally rolled over.

He glared up at Eiji, but the effect was lost considering his eyes couldn’t focus all that well. Wordlessly, Eiji reached over to Ash’s side table and handed him his wire frame glasses. Sitting up, Ash placed the glasses on his nose and gestured towards Eiji to explain why he was up so early.

Eiji was practically shaking with energy, and he sit down in front of Ash as carefully as possible. The grin on his face looked like it hurt but Ash couldn’t stop the small smile that grew at the sight. His boyfriend was so beautiful.

“Okay I didn’t know this could happen,” Eiji began, and Ash only just noticed how he had his left forearm clutched to his chest. Ash raised an eyebrow in question. “Look.” His words were softer than they had been all morning, and he slowly lowered his arm so that Ash could see.

He was confused at first as he watched the arm lower almost in slow motion. He didn’t know why Eiji wanted to show Ash his soul mark, he’d seen it countless times and although it originally left him feeling empty and ill, he’d finally grown accustomed to it. Eiji may have another soulmate, but that didn’t stop him from loving Ash.

This time, however, _’Leiko Mori’_ wasn’t written on Eiji’s caramel skin. It was-

“No,” Ash whispered, disbelieving. He reached out hesitantly, fingertips brushing the skin of Eiji’s forearm as if to check if it was real before he grasped it properly. “It- it can’t be.”

“I don’t know what happened,” Eiji explained, and Ash glanced up to see Eiji looking down at him with a smile full of love. “But I’m very happy with it.”

And Ash was too, he was certain he hadn’t felt this much happiness since before Griffin was shipped off to war. It was thrumming through him, sending sparks from the tips of his toes to the tips of his fingers. He felt giddy with it and, whilst he knew there were definitely tears spilling down his cheeks, he was grinning.

_’Aslan Callenreese’_ was written of Eiji Okumura’s skin.

Maybe he’d only have to beat the universe up a little bit now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


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